People around me will never understand why i hated to see you so much. It's not that i hate you. It's not that i don't actually love you anymore. It's just that i don't want to be reminded by memories. Whenever i hear your name I will subconsciously think about those times together. It wasn't that long that i've met you but you have affected me so much. It's like i thought you will be like those other guys that i kinda have a crush on and i move on to the next one. But this situation is so different, you're so different. You make me feel so different.
When the day we stopped talking, i told myself " jazlyn, this is just a phase in life. People leave you hanging like that. People just leave you without any reason. Maybe it's because they don't feel anything for you anymore. Maybe i'm just boring and maybe i'm not what you wanted. Maybe it's time for you to move on. It's your new beginning." Yea so i thought it was like how my old friends left me hanging, because they hated me, because i'm disgusting maybe i'm just not their type of person they would want to hang out/be with.
So i tried my very best to forget you. I was so tempted to delete your number, the photos together and take those pictures out from my cockboard. But i just couldn't. I didn't have the strength to. Okay so i thought to myself that it's alright to just leave it there, maybe a reminder to myself that people leave and i had to deal with it.
I cried like fuck whenever i hear songs that relate to us but when days went pass i stopped feeling sad anymore and i thought that i've forgotten you. I thought i could be happy without anything that got to do with you. I'm so wrong. When i saw you these days i felt a stinging pain in my heart. My heart knows i couldn't get over it. i know i miss you i know i still kinda kinda kinda love you but i just want to avoid you so much. I just want to dig a hole anywhere just to not see you. Thinking about it hurts so much.
I thought how can you see me without feeling anything. How could you not hurt as much as me. I don't know. Oh and the texts came again. I felt the same like how i received last time. But this time its not only the feeling of butterflies in my tummy but a little of anger. How can i not have some self control. How can i let you hurt me again. But i took a chance again. I love you so please, please don't hurt me anymore.
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