I am so afraid of losing someone close to me again. That particular name just make me think of all those memories that ended up into a fucking pack of lies. You don't understand how it feels to be betrayed by the one you love. Your lover, your friends who turned their backs against you. I've been through so much heartaches. The friends that promised that they will never leave you no matter what happen left me so quickly without battering their eyelids.  It's not that i don't trust you, it's that i don't trust my feelings. They come and go. Sadness, paranoia, anxiety, frustration, they make me think so much. And i really thought i was over this whole fucking situation but after this, i know i am not. I am just finding solutions to forget, but never to get over it. Tell me what to do, when i have no one to tell? I don't know but it's really not nice to crack jokes about things i got hurt before, things that i'm insecure about. Maybe it's funny to you but it's definitely not to me. I don't like to be reminded about certain things i already am. Nobody understands me, not me either